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A passionate Writer. An irreverent personal development trainer. Blogger at I am on a mission to write sparkling blog posts.

#3. Open your heart — like children — until you hear it crack

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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.”
— C.S. Lewis

After I met a man who is now my partner…

8 Important lessons.

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I will never forget the time when a white colleague said to me, “When I look at you, I don’t see color. I don’t see you as a black person.” He was saying, “Race doesn’t matter to me. I am not a racist.” But I heard, “I am denying a big part of who you are and your experiences.”

He pissed me off.

When I asked him to explain his statement, he said he wanted me to belong. To be part of a team.

He’s not the only one who had bias without intention. One time, a white colleague asked…

Use your 20s to avoid regrets in your 30s.

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“I regret not doing things I should have done in my 20s, Banchi,” my best friend whispered to me on her death bed. Her haunting words were the last words she ever spoke to me.

I didn’t check on her the next day because I was busy at work. I woke up to a dark day on September 22, 2019. When the phone rang, and I answered it, the news I heard was like nothing I’d ever heard before.

I slammed the phone down in shock, and tears rolled down my face. The wave of grief that settled over me…

Don’t diminish you in the name of making room for your relationship.


“The best relationships of any kind — romantic or otherwise — are the ones that encourage us, expand us, inspire us, rather than the ones that shrink, contain, diminish, entrap or shackle us.” –Dushka Zapata

We deserve a relationship that stretches us instead of withering us.

One of my friends doesn’t get this.

Ever since my friend started living with her boyfriend, she stopped caring about her interests. Whenever her boyfriend asks my friend to scroll through his Facebook feeds with him, she says ‘yes’. She says ‘yes’ even though she is in the middle of an important work that…

#2. Find a “real job”

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These awful pieces of career advice are like a powerful magnet that warps your belief about your career. They guide you to a career path you don’t like, but others want you to like.

I know this from personal experience.

They told me to cut my unruly hair short as letting it do its thing looked unprofessional. To find a “real job” when I told them I’ve found a job I liked a lot. To make it a practice to never ask for a raise as “the more money you make, the more you will spend.” To specialize in just…

This sword is a tax white people don’t have to pay.

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Black people are performing under a microscope or being ignored. Our blackness is always on display, while also feeling constantly alienated by the whiteness surrounding us. I can describe this as a tax — white employees don’t have to pay, and one that could easily derail a career.

For black people reading this, you can relate. Navigating this world as a black person involves a lot of emotional labor to fight the double-edged sword of hypervisibility and invisibility no one signs up for. If you’re white, you’re wondering what hypervisibility for black people feels. …

4 lessons that helped me save mine.

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In 2018, my writing dreams were three seconds away from dying. Three years later, lessons I’m going to tell you saved my writing from dying.

When I began blogging, my first gig paid $1.5/hour. My blog had 200 email subscribers. I sent drafts to clients, and I never heard from them. I would send drafts to publications and I would receive a rejection note in my email. I came to my partner on the verge of tears, saying I wanted to quit many times because my writing was rejected. The feelings of insecurity I had could fill an entire book.

I hope you’ll consider this letter an invitation to begin a conversation that requires action, not just talk

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I am asking everyone who reads this who cares about justice, equality, respect for humanity, and yes, the belief that black lives matter to give black people the space to tell their perspectives. Reading this article and feeling shocked, helpless, guilty, pity, or even just ‘caring a whole lot’ won’t change things.

Taking action will.

Can you imagine fighting tears to be seen and heard in meetings? Can you imagine asking these questions to yourself in every team meeting? Do they think I’m not smart enough? No one listens to my perspective. Are they saying I’m incompetent? …

Reflection can offer healing, insight, and hope in these troubled times.

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In the past year, it’s felt like we’ve been pinned to the present; the past felt obsolete, and the future felt terrifyingly unknown. But there’s power in reflecting on our old selves and projecting what we want for our future selves.

When your panic buttons overwork. When anxiety claws your heart. When life feels rudderless, aimless, maybe even pointless. When every activity feels like pushing yourself through something too difficult. When the future feels terrifyingly unknown, take some time to reflect on all versions of yourself.

This is a deeply intimate and revealing practice that can offer healing, insight, and…

And ways to counteract these distortions.

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One of my boyfriend’s friend has an internal labyrinth, a maze, and a torturous arrangement he made with himself. He is convinced every woman will eventually leave him. He is terrified he will end up stranded, abandoned, and alone.

This belief taints his relationships.

He is aloof, dismissive, cold, to avoid getting too close. Or, he is possessive, holds on tightly, and becomes abusive as he becomes increasingly afraid of the power of his prophecy. Either way, it becomes painful and self-destructive to any woman who dares to stay.

According to a psychologist friend, this behavior is called a control…

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