If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. — Audre Lorde
I’m tired to my bones of getting vibes where I am expected to do additional, unpaid tasks.
And I know other Black women are too.
Even though I’m a team leader, I found myself doing invisible, unpaid office housework this week. The institute I work for has hired two new white teachers. Their skills on how Google Doc works and online teaching needed brushing up. Guess whose shoulder the burden of teaching them has fallen?
“Some people say we got a lot of malice
Some say it’s a lotta nerve
But I say we won’t quit movin’
Until we get what we deserve …
Say it loud — I’m black and I’m proud!”
James Brown lyrics from “Say It Loud — I’m Black and I’m Proud,”
This article is for black women — who are thinking about changing their features to “fit in” white institutions. I’m hoping I can convince you to believe in your natural beauty. I’m hoping I can change my best friend’s mindset. …
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.”
— C.S. Lewis
After I met a man who is now my partner…
“Oh, it’s all right, you’re a girl,” he said with a smirk on his face. “And a Black one at that.” he continued.
I had called a male colleague, wanting his input on my proposal. I wanted his advice before I showed my proposal to our bosses. He patronizingly spent the next 30 minutes comforting me, telling me what I should work on my proposal.
Instead of giving me sound advice, he hurled his blatant sexism and racism at me.
Apparently, a female asking for advice from her colleague means she can’t do her job well. When a man asks…
She told me something horrid.
One of my colleagues had been seeing this guy for over a year. When I asked about their relationship, her answer wiped every trace of a smile from my face.
Me: “How is your relationship?”
Her: “I broke up with him.”
Me: “What? You told me you have found a considerate man. What happened?”
I expected to hear he cheated on her, or he did not put effort into their relationship. You know. The usual sound reasons that create a rift among couples.
Her: “I want someone who has a thick bank account.”
If one is cruel to himself, how can we expect him to be compassionate with others? — Hasdai Ibn Shaprut, 10th C. Jewish Scholar
Did you know newborn monkeys crawled to a mother who touched and cradled them instead of running to enticing milk?
The well-known psychologist, Harry Harlow, studied the behavior of newborn monkeys in the 1950s. These newborn monkeys were separated from their mothers and reared alone in a cage.
The question was whether the baby monkeys would spend more time with a pretend mother who gave them warmth and comfort or a stark, mesh figure that held…
Perhaps we judge women for being emotional because we suppress our emotions. Perhaps we inhibit women from expressing their emotions because we were not allowed to do so ourselves. Perhaps we fear the emotional intensity of seeing someone express their emotions — especially an adult, not to mention men — losing control, appearing helpless.
When you see tears on a woman’s face or her eyes sparking a fire, her nostrils wide, her mouth open, her bright teeth glaring, perhaps the right thing to do is let her express her emotions — whatever they are. …
Imagine your favorite reader…
He’s sitting at his desk, sipping a cup of coffee. He switches on his laptop, wipes the sleep from his right eye, and briefly massages his temples. Then he opens your email and clicks to read your blog post. A light bulb goes off in his mind and he whizzes off a thoughtful email to thank you. He’s excited to read your article.
After three years of professional writing, writing has become like walking through an open door instead of banging my head against a wall. …
If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution. — Emma Goldman
Even though I have walked up the stairs and entered the boardrooms, no one listens to my input. I am only a symbol. A Black woman they can point at as a ticked box or a statistic to make them feel better about how ‘progressive’ they are.
The institute I work for is sure diverse.
My name and photo are featured as a top teacher on the institute’s website. I work with a few Black colleagues, of which I can count the number of…
We all have pivotal moments that flip our world upside down and cause us to panic. Maybe your boyfriend left you for another woman. Now what? Or, you just lost your job — what’s next? You wonder, “Where do I go from here?”
One of my friends had those moments when a fork stood in her tracks.
A few months after the pandemic hit, she was laid off unexpectedly. Her bosses did not even care about her job loss.
My friend had been working in marketing management for 10 years. When her bosses blindsided her, she was scared out of…